


A trip to Amsterdam

by IWillNeverBePerfect (wl_1704)



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:35:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23148586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wl_1704/pseuds/IWillNeverBePerfect
Summary: This is a short oneshot about the reader that remembers the things that happened, while her relationship with Reiji fell apart. He has feelings for someone else so she does the only thing that's left to do - ending things and working somewhere else as a stylist.
Relationships: Kotobuki Reiji/Reader, implied!Kotobuki Reiji/Nanami Haruka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	A trip to Amsterdam

**Author's Note:**

> I was heavily inspired by Cora's song "Amsterdam". Next to the German version there also exists an English one but the lyrics are very different.

It was supposed to end like this, didn’t it? He was supposed to slip out of my grasp after all. It wasn’t enough. He wanted to be free – or rather: With her.

We were on our way to Amsterdam – it would take a few hours to arrive there. Luckily, we had already been in Germany beforehand for the shooting of a music video. In hopes of getting some alone time we had decided to head to Amsterdam for a few days. We hoped to figure out a few things between us.

  
Sitting in the borrowed car, the drive was silent. The radio played quietly in the background as Reiji concentrated on the highway. I was looking out of the window – the sky was gray, but no rain was falling. It mirrored my mood; I was about to cry because I knew what was going to happen. But I couldn’t do that now. Instead I let my thoughts wander once more.

  
I thought about the many times Reiji had asked me to hold him tightly. It was in a quiet voice, in the middle of night when we laid in bed. “How?”, I had asked him every time. How was I supposed to hold him – stop him from falling apart right in front of me and taking the love we held with him? I didn’t know back then and I didn’t know right now. I wasn’t the one to hold him even though I tried. I wondered if he knew that I really wanted to make it work out – that I cared about him.

  
But our relationship didn’t deserve to be a fairytale – I realized that now. We thought that we got it but here we were – sitting next to each other in utter silence on our way to Amsterdam. It was often very quiet when we were alone. Back then it was different. We couldn’t stop talking and often laughed so hard, that our stomachs hurt and we cried. The tears of joy became painful tears of loneliness. We stopped talking about our feelings. We started suffering in silence while walking the same path next to each other – not with each other. Reiji strayed further and further away from me, no matter what I tried or said. No amount of coaxing got anything out of him.

  
It was then when I realized that life had chosen it’s favorite and it was him – not me. I should’ve known that the young composer wasn’t just a colleague to him – that he had started to yearn for her. Had she understood him better than me while writing Quartet Night’s song for the competition?  
I often asked him to stay with me whereas he had always asked me, “How? How am I supposed to stay here with you?”. It was a genuine question. He didn’t know how to safe us anymore, even if he really wanted to do so – but we were already doomed. The ship was sinking; love had failed what we had.

  
We had crossed the border and arrived in the Netherlands. It wouldn’t take long until we would see Amsterdam. Not long until we had to part ways forever. I wanted to touch his hand innocently again, in order calm down and act like things were okay.

  
As I reached for his right hand that rested on the seat, he looked at me. There was no love to his stare – it was pain and sorrow that they showed. Taken aback by these emotions I stopped trying to reach for his hand. It was over. Reiji concentrated on the highway again and I sank back into my seat. “Reiji, please stop at the next rest area.” My voice was thin and I had to try hard to be loud enough to be heard clearly over the sound of the engine. He nodded and we continued to drive along until we found a parking lot.

  
Once the car came softly to a halt, I loosened my seatbelt and turned to him. “I should’ve known that I couldn’t keep you. Not for long. I’m not the right one – I couldn’t even hold you the way I should’ve. I knew that your feelings were growing for her. This was inevitable. I wished for red roses to fall from the sky and to never wither; but here I am. I’ll let you go. I can’t say that I’m thankful for the past four months, but I’m grateful for how things started between the two of us. We won’t meet again – I’m moving somewhere else. Take care of your heart and work on making your soul a home for yourself.” He never once looked at me while I talked. He stared into nothingness while gripping the steering wheel tightly – his knuckles had turned white already. “Amsterdam is only 20 minutes away. I could take you there.”, his voice rough and sounding like he hadn’t drank any water in days. “Goodbye, Reiji.”

  
I exited the car, opened the trunk, took my bags and went to the next phone booth – calling a cab to take me to Amsterdam. Afterwards I walked over to a café that was part of the petrol station next to the rest area.

  
No ten minutes later my cab arrived, I put my belongings in the trunk and the we took off. Reiji hadn’t moved anywhere – he was still seated behind the steering wheel, alone now. The car got smaller and smaller as the cab entered the highway. There was no gold at the end of the rainbow – not this time. Now it would be me alone in Amsterdam – a dream that took my hopes.


End file.
